I am a bit short on the old brain cells today, and was wondering what to write so I thought I would give you a further instalment from my life as a member of staff at a special school. This bit looks at how I spent one off duty period! They weren’t all like this, that’s for sure. Hope it doesn’t offend your sensibilities too much!

The staff at the school, were from absolutely everywhere, there was a strong presence from Spain, Italy and Portugal, as well as a few Scandinavians. From our own shores there were quite a few Northerners as well as Scots, but by far the greatest representative staff force were from Ireland both Eire and Northern Ireland. There was a Polish gentleman, much older than the rest of us who only did night duty. He was the subject of much speculation as we surmised what had brought him to be working thus, and living in a staff hostel. He spoke impeccable English made more interesting by the strong Polish inflection. He was an avid gambler, and spent every morning after his night’s work - before retiring to his room for sleep - studying the form from his newspaper then calling his bookie from the public telephone in the hostel. Some said he was a disaffected Count, others that he had served in the Second World War and had decided to stay on in this country, his gambling debts being too great to allow him to leave. Whatever the reason, he was always most courteous and certainly a gentleman.

Working in the sewing room and also living in the staff hostel was Nicholi, he was a Greek who was tall, elegant and handsome and very much in the eye of several female staff.

 Pam was a bubbly 20 year old whose upbringing had been in Uganda where her father was something in the diplomatic Service. She had the room next to mine in the hostel and was mad about Bob Dylan whose records she played at length, Joan Baez was another of her favourites, and if I didn’t know the music of these people when I arrived at the school, then I certainly did by the time she left! Pam really fancied her chances with Nicholi, and when he suggested that his friend come over with his car one Saturday evening and she find a friend to make up a foursome, she was ecstatic. For whatever reason she asked me to go along, and as I wasn’t doing anything better I agreed. The friend arrived and Nicholi led the way to the car park, he and Pam climbed into the back of the car, and I was left to introduce myself to the driver. As I leaned down to get in, my first reaction was to run, this man was at least my father’s age. I was to discover that he spoke almost no English at all and he and Nicholi spent the entire evening talking in Greek to one another hardly noticing that we were there. They took us to a pleasant enough country pub and we had a couple of drinks, Pam and I talked between ourselves whilst these two had conversations which were sometimes heated and dramatically punctuated with flamboyant gestures. Then it was time to leave.

 Half way home, the car was pulled into a quiet lane and the fun of the evening really started.

 It has to be said, for an older fellow, he was very agile, and regardless of any pain to himself he easily hoisted himself over the gear stick to be beside me in the passenger seat. Quick as a flash without any preamble whatsoever, his face was glued to my face, while suddenly he seemed to have grown a further four hands each of which groped me with considerable urgency. Suddenly, an unzipping sound brought me up short, the face sucking stopped, and in another obviously much rehearsed movement he was facing and kneeling before me.

 Noises emanating from the back of the car told me there was a similar struggle going on, though I rather think Pam’s protestations were less vociferous than mine.

I really should have been aware that the free drinks were probably not free at all but as payment for the ‘afters’. I was not a completely naïve soul, but in the past I had always had boyfriends who at least had given me a  fighting chance. This wrestling match was something else, and eventually not at all what this chap was anticipating. I was fresh from a very active job in which I Fell walked almost every afternoon and when I was not, I was canoeing on Buttermere or Crummock Water. I was a strong lass, and I had absolutely no intention of having my head pulled into this man’s crotch, because that is precisely where he was intending it to go. With one thrust I was free and he with his flies undone and a shocked look found himself back in the driving seat. I don’t think he knew how he had got there and he was too flabbergasted to do anything other than somehow tame the disappointed arousal back into it’s rightful place, then get the car going and drive in the direction of the school. Back in the car park Pam and I fell out of the car and once inside of the hostel we went into a state of the giggles, verging I might say on hysteria. For my trouble, I woke the following day to the mother and father of a love bite on my lower lip. There was much guffawing from my colleagues while Sister Hollins was told I had accidentally bumped into a door. It was also the end of Pam’s obsession with Nicholi.

Eventually, Nicholi married a sweet Irish girl who worked as a deputy in one of the boy’s homes. She was a gentle natured, quiet country girl - with obviously  very deeply hidden depths!